- Under the giant locus tree
Today’s blog post is what I jotted down on my journal as I had an epiphanic moment – a realization - while I was meditating under the giant locus tree in the backyard. This realization was profound for me. For some of you, I presume it will be nothing new. You are already there! For others, I hope you find it as insightful as I do.
A realization, or a sudden inspiration. Epiphanies are a light worker’s, an author’s, a poet’s, an artist’s, an inventor’s (and so on.. you get the idea!) best friend. They come out of nowhere at the most unexpected times. They always pop up when I am fully present at the moment; when my mind is so empty that, it works as the perfect vessel for the light to come down and fill it up.
More often than not, these epiphanies are stuff I have “known” for years. I have already read about them. I have even ruminated much on them. Yet, the realization never had kicked in before. Awareness of wisdom is nothing like “knowing about it.” At times, it is akin to finding the last missing piece of a puzzle. All at one, everything makes sense. You have a whole picture. You can see now.
Epiphany implies for me light filling up my vessel. It is divine inspiration. I vibrate with love and gratitude as I enjoy the pleasure of receiving this gift.
Inspiration for me, is another word for epiphany. It happens when I am present, when I am consciously connected to the web connecting everything and everyone to each other and to the Source. We all “know” we have ‘the spark’ of the Source in our hearts. This is mostly reminiscent of feeling that spark.
So, I was sitting under the giant locust tree, and enjoying the glorious rays of the sun coming down on me from between the branches and green leaves. I closed my eyes and grounded myself. I received Earth’s vibration and vibration from the Cosmos, and ran those energies in me. I replenished myself with my life source energy. And I sat still, eyes closed, in silence - except for the chirping of birds, and now the cheerful humming of a humming bird.
And it donned on me. I’ve wasted a good bunch of time in my life, pondering on why some people do not see the goodness in other people’s intentions and efforts. To be more specific, I was thinking: We’ve done so and so to this person, let her stay in our house for months, we unconditionally gave her love and care, helped her connect to her glorious light, saving her from severe depression and everything.. And she is not grateful for one bit, on the contrary, it is as if I am Maleficent, she will hide from me when she sees me on the street. And also there is this person, and that person. What is wrong with these people? I loved and cared for them with all my heart and helped them tremendously in every way I could. But somehow they don’t see that. Why?
And there it donned on me. Well, half of it.
It is because they are not a vibrational match for me. If they are looking for darkness, they will not see the light, no matter how bright it shines on them. Gratitude, which comes so easy for some of us, is not that easy for all. Their vibration is far from feeling high vibrational feelings such as gratitude. They rather feel resentment than gratitude. Expecting them to see “how good I am” (Hi my ego!) is futile as well as inessential. For one reason, expecting others to behave in certain ways is a shortcut to unhappiness. Second, how about the art of allowing, about which I wrote in my last blog post? Yet, we are humans, and when we devote a good chunk of our life to a person, we sometimes expect at least a hello, or not being seen like Darth Vader. Well, yes. But no. This is all about where we are. This is not to say anything bad about anyone. It is all about where we are - in any given moment. And where we are can change, and really no one is to blame.
Well, you may now think, ‘look at her ego talking!” But hey, this is half of what donned on me.
This also applies to me not being a vibrational match for those people who vibrate at a higher level than me. At that very moment, under the locus tree, I realized that I have missed a ton of people’s well intentions, took them for granted, or doubted that they meant well. As if I was dying, I watched pictures of all the people, all the situations, even social media posts of some people passing by my eyes like a loop. I saw myself looking at an Instagram post of a spiritual teacher and wondering, ‘what is the deal? Why are all these people big fans of her?” Well, all those big fans were at a better vibrational match. I wasn’t. My heart was not as open and as loving as all of those people including the spiritual teacher. I was not there. Hello darkness in my heart! Good to know you. We will be good friends, I am sure!
And also I remembered a part from the book Light is the New Black by Rebecca Campbell (read it if you haven’t!). The first time she submitted a book proposal to the Hay House writing competition, she was rejected. In her book, she says something along the lines of “I was not a vibrational match for Hay House.” What did she do? She did not accuse the editors of Hay House for not understanding her; she did not accuse herself for not writing well enough. She did not give in to her ego. She worked on herself. She chose the light (And the next time she won the contest).
So, right there under the locus tree, I realized no one was to blame. I genuinely realized that expectations of behaviors from others, even gratitude from someone whose life we save is meaningless. I became aware of the fact we are all at different states of vibration and that is all right for each one of us. I sincerely realized that the only person I needed to ponder on was me. I realized what other people did was none of my business. I genuinely saw the darkness in the depths of my heart, and I felt grateful for this awareness.
Right there, under the locus tree, I made a few intentions:
I will continue to allow myself for being neutral.
I will work on my own vibration.
I will be more in my heart space. And let more light in.
I choose the light.
As above, so below…
With tons of love and light,